That moment you thought you were sexy for someone else. And they once again saw past you. Perhaps not past who you are but the inclination to be “sexy”. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had the most fun the last few hours dancing around and allowing catches of my Self in dimmed mirrors to make me smile….even with my belly exposed, and all alongside mySELF!
I justify these moments always with the blanket of knowing I am “crazy” and sexy may no longer exist between us. But in my moments of existing in harmony and truth I wonder did it ever exist. As a self-proclaimed koo-koo-kee-doo I can admit, no matter what the existence of passion, whether it be from heat or hate there is always a tendency to “want” and desire the target of our most profound desires and to push away.But am I once again alone on the Watchtower, trying to discern between joker and thief?
I should take a breath here and remind mySelf that I have not anything alongside me that indicates but sincerity and love; yet the Love is just with what is. Does he(she) know how capable I am to overcome the doldrums of the existence I live among? Does he(she) not feel my beating heart shift with each exhalation as well and recognize the excitement of each new moment I am able to conjure?
I have such a difficult time sharing my body as a sexual being without just giving you what I know works best; you always come to gratification and that is rewarding for us both. You still don’t know what makes me move it seems. I seem to not allow you to learn(?)
I was trying in the most primal, sensual way that to look past even something out of the ordinary of crazy with me, I wonder if the love you know is not learned and created out of your own insecurities of really knowing how to feel.
I am not so sure who I am speaking to now. it has never been about sharing except with mySelf but even now in my time of need and wonder I choose to lose “us”. Perhaps being me is just so and when you look past me trying to bare my belly and sway sensually side to side as I prepare your remedy for sore throat it is merely you loving all of me, not just the parts of me I feel ashamed of. Here I continue the things we cannot change the Life I am celebrating!
“oh love you came to me like wine comes to the mouth,
grown tired of water all the time,
you quenched my heart
and you quenched my mind”