A Rant

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Why doesn’t Evolve mean something to those who squander about shouting Revolution? I admit, I am sad today. not broken, but saddened by the lack of evolving minds and actions to truly heal ourSelf and help others find that Path.

And not to disengage from the tribulations of others working to live in a more open society around the Planet, but I do acknowledge our country is bereft of major “revolutions” that require uprisings of the vile sorts on both sides, but this is nonsense. Utilize your mind & your ability to be able to speak…yes speak. Out loud. With fierceness. On point. And with passion!

for those who continue to rape, defile, and murder without thought I wish there was a Peace of mind I could offer, but alas all I can do is breathe and make my mind shine even brighter.  You are lost causes for success and anyone who thinks I’m wrong can ask their victims and those afraid to live on this Planet because of them; because of their unfortunate & insufficiently wired minds.

but for YOU who just want to wield your unruly minds and passions to the world I raise my voice and send you this message. You will not stand tall. You will not take me down with your antics. I will burn through your being and resume the path towards happiness. You may abhor the limitations set upon you by government, peoples, or the sorts, but you pick up a gun of uneducation so therefore you have mobility(freedom), you spoke out loud(no speech impediments), and you raised your sordid life for what? If have no idea then your message is not being created well enough so it’s not working.

so what was it all for?

If you live for love then nonsense is not what you utilize for creating change. If you live for a thought, which is fleeting, then you live in fear & only share this. I ask you, Planet Earth, please shine with what you are gifted & be generous with your mindfulness. This goes for me as well dear people; I do not find mySelf best in my Ways but please let’s all take a moment of silent contemplation to breathe in peace & release all that is…I ask you all. Please.

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Persistence

I listened today.

“That’s all”, you ask?  Yes, that’s all I did.

And if asked of you, when was the first time you truly stopped your own thoughts to listen to someone else today? Have I already lost you?

WelI I listened to someone today. And I listened to someone tell me they were so sorry to disappoint me. And it all started with wine.

One day not too long ago I found mySelf in the fortune of a job offer to be a Sommelier. I met quite the human and fell in Love with building harmony and living wine. But I’m not here to reminisce, I’m here to figure out why someone so awesome would disappoint me for not passing an exam. I mean, I haven’t even tried to take this particular exam yet so how I am I the measure of appointing anything? I become even more humbled by such a beautiful creature that wants to nourish me while down, and I realize not defeated. This passion and complexity of strength is overwhelming on so many levels. The level that energizes me most is that of persistence to survive in the brightest light. And for this I will listen to someone every day. Truly listen…with all of me.

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The Death of Smoochy

I have always been fascinated by the rantings of those who let us feel with their words; as if their own lips and spit were enough to change the patterns of the UNIverse, stall time, and create a unique twist in the fabric of our minds that would help each of us catch our breath. But while I ponder now I prefer to feel the silence, one coated in the hum of white noise plugging my ears from sanity. Noise that only I can communicate with. The noise of persistence, the noise of compassion, of my own thoughts, my values, and of acknowledgement of what can become. It doesn’t feel so much like terror now as it is invited into each living cell of my body. Rough and intent on ripping through my flesh so there’s nothing left to be found. And yet I feel no pain, no discomfort, just uniformed breathing, like an underwater symphony conducted by my lungs and orchestrated by my glowing organs. For in this silence that drips down my eyes like golden honey I am reminded how sweet I can be, not to you, but to me. I taste the efforts and I sway into the noise of love.

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Fix You

Trying to write something profound, if not be inspired by my own silence, and yet all I can offer today is my smile.

‘tears stream, down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace…and lights will guide you home; and I will Fix You”

Kenneth Williams Thomas

2.23.84

Two Purple Hearts, Two beautiful girls with moral, a legacy of always with my sister & I to share, a hero with NJSP; narcotics, undercover, badass. My Hero and a bright Light I wish to shine with again. Your Rainbow dive will be in memory as the most amagical thing a person could do(in Maryland at age8). I’ll wish every year, this day, I might have wagon wheels and clam sauce with you. I grieve but not in pain; I grieve to fix the “you” I have looked so longingly for good people of the Planet. And in love I can share, hope, and speak of. Full moon and lil’ star is what I see as our energy shining bright tonight ~ Sleep best & I’ll flow in your world again sometime when we are both feeling right.

Thank you Daddy.

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When I AM Sexy(?)

That moment you thought you were sexy for someone else. And they once again saw past you. Perhaps not past who you are but the inclination to be “sexy”. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had the most fun the last few hours dancing around and allowing catches of my Self in dimmed mirrors to make me smile….even with my belly exposed, and all alongside mySELF!

I justify these moments always with the blanket of knowing I am “crazy” and sexy may no longer exist between us. But in my moments of existing in harmony and truth I wonder did it ever exist. As a self-proclaimed koo-koo-kee-doo I can admit, no matter what the existence of passion, whether it be from heat or hate there is always a tendency to “want” and desire the target of our most profound desires and to push away.But am I once again alone on the Watchtower, trying to discern between joker and thief?

I should take a breath here and remind mySelf that I have not anything alongside me that indicates but sincerity and love; yet the Love is just with what is. Does he(she) know how capable I am to overcome the doldrums of the existence I live among? Does he(she) not feel my beating heart shift with each exhalation as well and recognize the excitement of each new moment I am able to conjure?

I have such a difficult time sharing my body as a sexual being without just giving you what I know works best; you always come to gratification and that is rewarding for us both. You still don’t know what makes me move it seems. I seem to not allow you to learn(?)

VS.

I was trying in the most primal, sensual way that to look past even something out of the ordinary of crazy with me, I wonder if the love you know is not learned and created out of your own insecurities of really knowing how to feel.

I am not so sure who I am speaking to now. it has never been about sharing except with mySelf but even now in my time of need and wonder I choose to lose “us”. Perhaps being me is just so and when you look past me trying to bare my belly and sway sensually side to side as I prepare your remedy for sore throat it is merely you loving all of me, not just the parts of me I feel ashamed of. Here I continue the things we cannot change the Life I am celebrating!

 

“oh love you came to me like wine comes to the mouth,

grown tired of water all the time,

you quenched my heart

and you quenched my mind”

DMB

 

 

A Lil Love For The Day

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Taking a moment today to share love & bliss with you all. It’s too often we journey through the day without taking that breath of a moment to share our heartbeat with another, even if just in a passing smile or the chance glance of empathy. I know that I can use this most everyday and love to share when opportunity is offered; here’s my opportunity to share.

You are beautiful, creative, and full of wisdom. Thank you for shining on this Planet so i may understand my darkness!

Inside out

You will find me one day, delirious in my painting studio. I will be caked with fuchsia and burnt sienna. I will not have washed in days but roses will be growing from behind my ears. You will rush to bend to me, to inquire, and I will hold your face in my hands and whisper, “It’s my heart. Do you feel it too?”